The Darkness and the Dawn
by nevermore199
Summary: She didn't care what she had to do. She would do anything if he would come back. One-shot, Zane x Alexis.


**Technically not my first Yu-Gi-Oh! GX fic, but the first one that doesn't make me cry with embarrassment and hurriedly delete the story.**

**Um, in case you didn't read the summary, this contains sexual content. Ahem. It also uses dub names, because I can't figure out the Japanese suffix stuff. I say this because the dub names are apparently hated by a number of the fanbase. **

**If you don't like lemons and English names, why are you even here?**

**This story takes place somewhere in between Episodes 95 and 102. Somewhat obviously, Zane has already gone Hell Kaiser (aka Emo-Gothic) in this fic.**

**Enough with the author's note. On with the fic!**

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**_This isn't what I wanted._

It was the first thought in her head when she woke up.

She was lying underneath the thin covers of the bed, facing the wall, with her arms folded loosely in front of her bare chest. Her golden hair was tangled wildly and stuck to the back of her sweaty neck, and her whole body seemed to be slightly huddled. She couldn't see her clothes, but she knew where they were: crumpled in a pile on the floor at the foot of the bed, mixed in with his.

He was in the same bed as her, his bare back touching hers. He was facing the opposite wall. She could tell from his slow, measured breathing that he was still asleep.

All of a sudden, the little bedroom, drenched with pale morning sunlight, seemed far too small for the two of them.

Alexis clenched her eyes shut. She almost wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn't come. Her mind kept repeating over and over that this wasn't what she wanted, but her heart kept whispering guiltily that maybe some small part of her really had wanted it.

Her memory of the night before was clear and sharp, down to the last detail.

His body was hard and rough and masculine; exactly like she had sometimes pictured it, back when she was wasting her time secretly imagining these things. He hadn't been gentle with her, but she hadn't expected him to be.

One thing she remembered very clearly was how she had leaned up as he was pulling at her and whispered, "Why are we here, Zane? Why can't you go back to the way you were before?"

He had taken his time with answering. When he finally did, she stiffened at his breath, hot and unfamiliar against her ear. "Because I've changed. This is the way I am now, and this is the way I will be forever. And there's nothing you can do to change that."

They hadn't said anything intelligible after that, but that wasn't how she wanted it to be.

She wanted things to go back to how they were before. She wanted to smile at him and talk with him and laugh with him and _be_ with him again, just like old times. And she wanted him to be with her—not as the dark machine he had become, but as the old Zane, the one who would come to the lighthouse with her whenever she needed it, to comfort her and to watch the coming dawn.

She didn't care what she had to do; she would do anything if he would come back.

That was why she had sought him out last night. That was why she hadn't protested against anything he had done, even when things began to escalate far out of her control and every ounce of sense she had left was screaming at her to stop. That was why she was lying here with him now, feeling his warm body against hers.

In a way, she hadn't really wanted _him_, she supposed. What she wanted was the person that he used to be.

_I wanted you back the way you were,_ Alexis thought. She closed her eyes sadly. _I loved you the way you were. Wasn't that good enough for you? What more do you want from me, Zane?_

He stirred behind her, and she forced herself to start breathing slowly again, to try and fool him into thinking she was asleep.

He gave half a chuckle. "You can stop that now. I know you're awake." He rolled over to face her.

Alexis opened her eyes and sighed. She didn't object when he reached out with his arms and pulled her back against him.

"They'll be looking for me soon," she said in a flat, empty voice.

"It's Saturday."

"They'll look for me anyway."

"They won't look here."

"They might."

"They're all afraid of me. They won't come."

Both of them were silent for a minute. Then Alexis rolled over, pushed Zane away from her, and faced him with defiant eyes.

"Go on, Zane," she said quietly. "You don't want to be here. You'd rather be out on your bloodthirsty quest for power than lying in a bed with a girl from a past you barely remember."

He didn't say anything to that. Slowly he got out of bed and dressed. She didn't move or make a sound.

He walked to the door. Reached for the knob. Stopped.

"You haven't changed."

Alexis looked at him. "You have."

He nodded. "You're right. I have."

"I wish you hadn't."

"Wishing doesn't do much in this world."

"Maybe you're right." Alexis bit her lip. "But what is changing like this going to do? You were good enough the way you were before. You were good enough for us. You were good enough for _me_. Wasn't that enough for you?"

A long silence. Then…

"No."

He opened the door and left.

She lay there for a long time afterwards, letting the pain and the heartache drip silently from her eyes in the form of tears.

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**Sorry if I got them out of character or anything. I haven't done this since…what, June? And...um, I've never really written anything like this before...and it was kind of hard...and...**

**Yeah, I rated this as M because I wasn't sure and wanted to be on the safe side. But does a T rating work? I don't think as many people read M-rated fics as they do T-rated...**

**RRE.**


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